Endless Pain

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I’m getting really good at hiding my pain from people or I just don’t talk to people anymore. I spent yesterday in bed until I had to go to a work function. My boss has agreed to be my editor so I am trying to get things typed up. Then Tuesday I was struggling so bad that I came home from work and went to bed missing my step group and Tuesday night group of OA. I don’t know if I am more upset that I haven’t heard from him or knowing that he is truly gone.

Went to do the doctor today and I have to wear the cast for two more weeks. I feel very alone and angry. I’m stressed about money and things with work. I feel like a let down to my boss and to Todd because I haven’t been able to give my 100% because of my cast/foot. I’m trying to focus on myself to get myself back on track and also work on trying to love Michael again. Now my son is having issues which makes me feel worse.

I keep playing the events of the time that I have spent with Todd and all the fun times we had. I am trying to hold onto something that won’t ever happen. I feel like my love wasn’t enough and my apologize wasn’t enough. Well that’s the update as of now.

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