Mentally & Physically Exhausted

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Between my broken foot and heart, I don’t know which hurts worse. I had a dream about the man that I was in love with and it’s got me on edge today.

In the dream we were married and he was having affairs and I knew about them but still loved them. I woke up crying and missing him. I can’t even find the words to describe how it felt.

When I saw him last Saturday in the control room, I don’t know if he was upset from seeing me or what. I don’t know if my honesty has bothered him so much that he would get upset or what. I know that he has been around the page desk at work talking to his friends but not talking to me.

One of the woman that I work with has been telling him everything that I say which means I feel like I am being stabbed in the back. I was going to work today but got up so exhausted and in pain that I didn’t go.

All I know is that he is gone and I don’t know that he will ever come back. I asked my boss about a transfer and she doesn’t want me to leave. I love my job despite being stabbed in the back by people. I have maybe two or three real friends at work.

I’ve stopped counting how long he has been gone because it’s been long enough that it just hurts to think about it. I love TAC with all my heart!

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