Every moment, Everyday

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There isn’t a time that doesn’t go by that I don’t think of him or just reminded of the time we spent together. For the last week or so there has been a smell that wouldn’t go away until today and I haven’t smelled it since I saw him today.

Knocking on the control room door today killed me then for him to be so mean just was like pushing the knife farther in my heart. I just wish that I meant half as much to him as he does to me. He doesn’t even look at my messages on FB now and that hurts. I would love to be his everything the way that he is my everything.

There are times when I think about just wanting to wrap my arms around him and telling him how much I love him. The constant pain makes life hard to live. I want to give up so much. I loved that I got to see him today even if it was just for a few moments. I love him so much that it scares me.

Driving home from work today, I cried the whole trip. I keep waiting for myself to wake up from this dream and the pain not to be real. It’s hard to believe it’s over and he is gone. I just know that those moments with him were real even if he doesn’t want to admit them.

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