Faith & Love

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My husband has started talking to the man that I am in love with again but he says that he can’t remain friends with him because of the whole thing. I haven’t spoken to him in almost two weeks and every moment is killing me. I have started cutting myself to release the pain the in my heart. Sitting here writing this is very painful but I feel like I need to get it out.

I am holding out hoping for a good outcome and praying for something good to happen but I fear the worst. I have been in love before but not like this. This man used to be good to me and treat me right and now he is just plain hateful and mean to me. I know that he talked to my boss after my melt down last week but that just makes me feel worse.

It’s scary to live right now and there’s nothing that I can do to make myself feel better. My gut tells me not to let go but in some ways I think that I have already let go. He hasn’t tried to contact me so I think that he has let go. Everywhere I look is a painful reminder of him and what I love. I go to the Starbucks on Mass Av. and all I think about is falling in love with him and being near him. He is always on my mind.

He was my OA cheerleader and it shows since I haven’t been to a meeting in two weeks. I wish that I was able to just give up.

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