deep in my heart

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Todd and I friends again despite Michael not being happy about it. I am still worried about getting hurt and I am telling him something’s that I haven’t said before. I am working on step 4 in OA so I am trying to work on myself to make me a better person. He doesn’t want anything but a friendship and I have to accept it despite what I feel. I care about him and love him but I can’t change how I feel. I’m scared and worried about what’s next in life. I didn’t sleep last night and now I just want to go home and lie down. I won’t lie that every time I breathe I still feel like I’m having a heart attack. I don’t know how to be around him with what I feel. I sent him an email and told him something’s last night but he didn’t respond to them. My faith isn’t restored yet but there is hope. He sent me a message last night that I could say hello at work but I don’t know if I am going to be able to do it. Well, I hope that if I do see him I hope it goes well. I brought my friend Alyssa a cupcake for just being there for me and listening to me cry.

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