nothing has changed

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Last night I finally got the truth out of Michael about Todd and it just makes things even worse. Todd had prior to things decided to unfriend me. So last night I sent him an email telling him that I knew the truth but I got a response from him but nothing else. I knew that things wouldn’t change. I don’t know why he even bothered to send it to me if things weren’t going to change.

Last night in OA we are working on the steps and currently working on step 4 and writing down our issues. I have come to realize a lot of things and I do owe Todd an amends for the things that I have done and haven’t told him. I have been nothing but honest and they both have screwed me. I have seen Todd both days at work and I have a feeling that I will probably see him again today.

I guess that I really didn’t matter to either one of them since I feel like I keep getting lied too. I constantly feel like my heart is breaking and I am having a heart attack. As quick as he responded to my message last night I wonder if Michael told him while I was writing it. Michael said that if I leave that I have to take our cat because he can’t afford to take care of him.

My heart is so lost. This pain is worse then when I lost my brother 9 years ago. I love and miss Todd so much but it means nothing. Like I said in my email that all my tears don’t matter.

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