Constant pain

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Everyday I get out of bed and hope for the best, that love may return. But still it’s not happening. Last night Michael hit the door so hard that our cat and I just sat there, scared. I don’t think that he would physically harm me but my emotional state right now is through the roof. Every breathe that I breathe, I feel like I am dying and there is no way to save me,.

The person that I love the most won’t speak to me and won’t even listen to me. I’m scared and wonder why I am going through this much pain. Why did God do this to me, why did Todd have to leave? I know that I shouldn’t have sent that goodbye letter but I was put in a position that I didn’t know what else to do. Letting go was the last thing that I wanted to do.

My faith has gone down hill and I don’t know what to believe anymore. Words alone can’t express how I feel inside. I have all these positives but the one negative is what’s killing me most. I know that when Michael and Todd talk that they don’t even talk about me anymore. I have become the non factor. Michael keeps pushing things and just keeps pushing me out the door. I am trying but the harder I try the worst things get.

There is shelter close to our apartment and I thought about checking it out just see if I could stay there for a few days. I’m scared and don’t know where else to turn. Todd will probably never come back.

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