2 weeks of utter pain

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It’s been two weeks today since he unfriended me on Facebook and all I do is wonder if he will ever come back. I question what value I was to him. I hear from people that he always talks about me. I believe in his and his sobriety. I lost four pounds last week after starting Weight Watchers but I also don’t have an appetite to eat either.  I don’t like myself right now and don’t know how to be the person that I was.

Every time I breathe the knife in my heart plunges further in and I keep waiting for something to happen. I sat in the car one day and just cried and screamed. I have only screamed once and that was when I lost my brother 9 years ago. I am angry with God because I don’t know why this happened. I didn’t make it to my OA meeting last night because traffic was so bad. Yesterday was my 60 days and I couldn’t even enjoy it.

If I wouldn’t have listened to Michael I wouldn’t have sent Todd that goodbye letter and I don’t know that we would be here now. Michael wants our marriage fixed and I don’t even know where I am right now. Saying goodbye to Todd is killing me and I don’t have him to talk to anymore.

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