Since I started OA a little over a month ago my craving aren’t as bad and I don’t binge on food like I did. I started focusing on losing weight the first of January and currently down 31 pounds. I eat what I am supposed to and don’t go back for seconds. I record what I eat in my food diary and the three applications that I have on my tablet. I try to exercise each day and try to get at least 5,000 steps in. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster so it’s been difficult. I have been writing when the urge starts and I want to eat everything in sight. The pain in my heart is making life difficult but I am pushing myself on. I still have 40 plus pounds to go but know that it will happen in time. I weigh myself once a week and stick to a 1,200 to 1,500 calorie diet. Since I am going back to work this week things may change on what I eat and how much I walk at my new job. I am currently the lightest I have been since high school. I look at myself in the mirror and don’t see the change but everyone else does. Not eating because of pain isn’t easy but eating doesn’t change how you feel inside. I try to pray each day and hope that I am doing things right. I’m scared and feel like the life has been sucked out of me but I still have to keep going. I am doing my best to believe what’s in my heart but things don’t seem to be going that way. I have to keep pushing even when I just want to stop or give up. Since I started this journey there has been one day in the 40 years that I have been alive that I actually liked myself.