Exhausted

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Stayed the night with Todd last night and didn’t sleep just like usual. I love spending time with him but he didn’t want to get out. I have been home for a couple hours and it’s all I can do not to lie down and go to bed. I know that if I go to bed now I won’t sleep tonight. I have to work tomorrow. I am going to a Fever game this weekend with my mom that Todd got us tickets too. I have so much fun when I am with Todd and I don’t want to lose that.

I won’t lie I constantly worry that he will leave me for someone else. I have low self-esteem. I am so happy with what I have and I don’t want to lose it. He is good to me and my family likes him. Todd met my dad last weekend and my dad said that he was great. My dad is just happy that Todd works and is a good guy. I never thought a year ago today that I would be here where I am right now.

Life is good!

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Great things

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People come into our life and change our lives. I love being with Todd and I don’t want to lose what I have with him. I went to Mikey’s graduation yesterday and then we went to my parent’s house and everything went well. I wouldn’t trade in things for anything. I have wanted this all along and for it all to be happening is a dream come true. I am truly happy and my parent’s like Todd. I even get along with his ex wife. Life is great with Todd and I wouldn’t trade things in for anything. I love being with him and I just hope that things turnout the way that I hope.

Good Things

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It’s hard to believe that I have been with Todd for a few months now and how great things are going. It’s all been a blessing and I thank god everyday for each day that he gives me with Todd. I had a great Mother’s Day with my family. Good things are happening and I’m trying to stay positive despite the things that are bring me down. I have Simon my cat that keeps me company at home so I don’t even feel alone. I’m still going to OA and I’m working on losing weight again but I am working on the OA part first and not the weight first. I just wish that I wasn’t struggling with money but I think it’s part of life since everyone I know struggles with money. I go to work everyday and I try to put my best foot forward. I am living for today and trying to focus on what I have control over and not things that I don’t.

Happy Easter

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Happy Easter to all. After a sleepless night with Todd I am at my parent’s house celebrating the holiday. Turkey is in the oven. Mom made banana pudding and deviled eggs and Carla is making potato salad and more deviled eggs. The ham is in the crock pot and we aren’t eating until Rich gets here after he gets off work.

I am struggling with my weight again and I need to buckle down and lose some weight. I am still going to OA but I don’t feel like it is getting me anywhere. I am trying not to focus on food but it seems like it’s what I do. Every time I plan something things fall apart and nothing goes the way that it’s suppose to. My mom is diabetic and I am no longer diabetic but I still struggle.

I want to go lie down so that I can sleep since I didn’t sleep last night. I am exhausted.

I hope that everyone has a good day with whatever holiday you celebrate.

Loving someone so much

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In the last couple of days I have learned about loving Todd all over again. I got home from being with him and laid down in my bed just to start to cry. I missed him so much and all I wanted was to be back with him. Everything that is happening with him feels like a dream but I am so scared that I am going to wake up and it be over. He told me that he loved me but only once and I keep wondering if I will ever hear it again. I love being with him and he makes me smile when life seems so rough.

Living for the moment

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I have decided that I have to live for right now and not for the past or the future. My anxiety is getting the best of me which is making me struggle. I am trying to let go and let God but that’s easier said then done. I worked my full schedule today and now I have to get ready for Kristin’s wedding tomorrow. I am looking forward to the trip next week and it can’t get here soon enough. Things seem to be going well but I am still struggling with money. I just keep wishing that my disability would come through so that I can keep focus on my job and going to my therapy appointments.

Finding Happiness

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It’s hard to believe that Todd told me that he loved me but hasn’t said it again since the first time he said it. I keep waiting to hear it again. I saw him for about 10 minutes today and wish that I could have spent the rest of the evening with him. I want to tell him that I love him but I know that he knows how I feel about him. I asked him if he kept the card that I sent him and said that he had kept it. Now I am sitting at my parents house wishing that I was at home but wishing that I could be with Todd. I want to tell Todd that I love him but I fear that he won’t say it back. It hard to believe that I am happy but now I couldn’t imagine my life right now. I am so happy to be with Todd because I never thought that I would be here now like I am with Todd.